LiPhone Released Today!

(EX) - Radio Free America and the Right Honorable Mrs. Alberto Gonzzzalessssa Rice today announced the release of the LiPhone. Rumors had existed for years about the existence of the LiPhone, but until today's release, no one in the government would speak on the record. Executive Privilege and Presidential Counseling concerns were cited. The LiPhone is a joint venture between DARPA (the folks that brought you both The Internet and the Total Information Awareness program,) Marta Stewurd's Omnipresent Media, communications giant XXXXX. and the popular computer and electronics-maker, XXXXX.

Every American will be given the "opportunity" to purchase a LiPhone, in the color of their choice. (As long as it's black, white or gray.) Sales are reported to be "tapping right along", stated Scooter, the anonymous spokesman.

© 2007 The Eleventy O'Clock News

There's Absolutely No Evidence

(EX) - There's absolutely no evidence that U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney met via SecurePast™* link with Gengis Khan, 13th century Mongolian lawyer....er, warrior last weekend in Rawlins, Wyoming.

When contacted, Cheney's office declined to confirm or deny reports that Dick is a decendent of Khan's son Tushi. He also vigorously denied that he's an Ass, but knowledgable sources say that's a matter of public record.

© 2007 The Eleventy O'Clock News

*SecurePast™ is an unregistered trademark of the All Spy All The Time Network™, brought to you by DARPA, the folks who brought you the Total Information Awareness Program. Or not. It's hard to tell, since it's a secret, and is protected via Vice Presidential fiat.